The Holidays Have a Way of Showing Us That Mom’s Getting Older
The holidays are such a special time. The lights, the family gatherings, the familiar smells coming from the kitchen — it all brings back memories of years gone by. But for many of us, this season also brings something else: a quiet realization that Mom or Dad might be starting to slow down.
I’ve noticed this pattern every year in my work with families. Christmas and Thanksgiving have a way of revealing what we’ve missed in the busyness of everyday life. When we finally pause long enough to look around, we start to see the small changes — the ones that hint at bigger shifts happening behind the scenes.
Maybe it’s the dust gathering on the shelves that never used to be there. Maybe the fridge is full of expired milk and leftovers. Maybe Mom didn’t decorate this year because it “just felt like too much.”
Little things like that can tug at your heart. You start to realize that your parents — the ones who took care of you for so long — might need a little help themselves now.
When the Holidays Bring Things Into Focus
Most of us don’t get to see our parents every day. We talk on the phone, we text, we check in — and everything seems fine. They’ll tell you, “Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m doing great,” and you want to believe it. But when you spend a few days together over the holidays, you start to see what a phone call can’t show you.
I’ve heard so many families share the same kind of story over the years. A daughter comes home for Christmas, expecting to find the house just as she remembers — the smell of cookies baking, the tree perfectly trimmed, her mom humming along to Bing Crosby. But this year, the house is quiet. The decorations are sparse. Her mom looks tired.
That moment hits hard. It’s when you realize that life is moving forward whether we’re ready for it or not. But it can also be a moment of grace — the beginning of something new, a chance to offer love and support instead of waiting for a crisis.
Signs That It Might Be Time to Step In
When families come to me, they often say, “I just have a feeling something’s not right.” And usually, their instincts are spot-on. The trick is knowing what to look for.
Here’s a simple holiday checklist I share with families here in the Roanoke and Lynchburg area. These aren’t red flags meant to scare you — they’re gentle clues that Mom or Dad might need some extra care.
Around the House
Piles of laundry or clutter that weren’t there before
Dishes in the sink, spoiled food, or unopened mail
Unpaid bills or important papers misplaced
Dust, smells, or safety hazards like loose rugs or poor lighting
Personal Care
Wearing the same clothes for several days
Hair unwashed or unkempt appearance
Missed medications or confusion about what to take
Noticeable weight changes or poor appetite
Emotional and Cognitive Signs
Forgetfulness that seems out of character
Losing interest in activities or social events
Difficulty keeping track of time or daily routines
Mobility and Energy
Trouble walking, climbing stairs, or moving around the house
Avoiding errands or outings they used to enjoy
Seeming more tired than usual, even after simple activities
If several of these sound familiar, it might be time to have a conversation — a gentle, caring one that comes from love, not fear.
When You Notice It in Someone You Love
Over the years, I’ve talked with countless families who describe that same moment — when something clicks during the holidays, and they realize Mom or Dad isn’t quite the same.
Maybe it’s a quiet Christmas Eve when the decorations aren’t all up, or the tree that used to sparkle looks a little bare this year. Maybe Mom seems more tired, or Dad repeats a story he’s already told. It’s rarely one big thing — it’s the gentle accumulation of small changes that finally gets our attention.
I’ve seen it so many times, and I understand how hard that moment can be. It’s emotional. It’s personal. It’s the realization that time keeps moving and that the people who’ve always cared for us might need a little care themselves.
That moment — the noticing, the caring, the courage to have the conversation — is where truly begins. It’s not about taking control or checking boxes. It’s about honoring the people who shaped us and making sure they can continue to live with comfort, dignity, and joy.
Starting the Conversation
I know how hard it can be to talk about these things. You don’t want to make your parents feel embarrassed or like they’re losing control. You just want to help.
The best place to start is with curiosity, not criticism. Say something like, “Mom, I’ve noticed you seem a little more tired lately. How have you been feeling?” Then listen — really listen. Sometimes what they need most is to know you care.
If they’re open to it, you can talk about ways to make life easier — maybe help with cooking or cleaning, or someone checking in during the week. Starting small helps build trust.
The Heart of What We Do
After all these years, I’ve learned that homecare is really about family. It’s about preserving the warmth of the holidays — the smell of cookies, the laughter in the kitchen, the stories passed around the dinner table. Those are the things worth protecting.
Here in Roanoke & Lynchburg Virginia, we meet families every week who are trying to figure out how to help their parents without overstepping. And when they realize that isn’t about taking something away — it’s about giving something back — that’s when the real transformation happens.
Because at the heart of it, this work isn’t just about living longer.
It’s about living better.
Give Back This Christmas: The Karis Christmas Program
Every holiday season, our team at Karis Care Services runs the — one of my favorite parts of the year.
Starting in early November, you’ll find ornaments at local businesses throughout the Lynchburg area. Each ornament has the name and wish list of a senior in need. You can pick one up, buy a gift, and help us spread love to those who might otherwise be forgotten during the holidays.
It’s a simple act of kindness that means the world to someone else — and it reminds our community what the holidays are really about.
If you’d like to join us or find a drop-off location near you, visit https://www.kariscares.com/christmas.
A Gentle Reminder for the Season
As you gather around the table this year, take a quiet moment to notice. Look at your parents, your grandparents, your loved ones — really see them. Notice the little changes, ask the tender questions, and offer help with compassion.
Because someday, these small moments will be the ones we hold onto.
If your heart tells you something’s changing, don’t ignore it. Reach out. Ask for help. We’re here for you — with care, understanding, and a heart for your family.
From all of us at Karis Care Services, Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving, and may your home be filled with warmth, laughter, and peace this season.
Need help getting started? We offer free homecare assessments for families throughout the Roanoke and Lynchburg area. Together, we can make sure your loved one stays safe, happy, and home for the holidays.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are some common signs that my aging parent may need assistance?
Common signs that your aging parent may need assistance include noticeable changes in their home environment, such as increased clutter, unpaid bills, or spoiled food. Additionally, personal care indicators like wearing the same clothes for days or neglecting hygiene can be concerning. Emotional signs, such as forgetfulness or mood swings, and mobility issues, like difficulty walking or increased fatigue, are also important to observe. Recognizing these signs early can help you address their needs compassionately.
How can I approach my parents about their changing needs without causing offense?
Approaching your parents about their changing needs requires sensitivity and care. Start the conversation with curiosity rather than criticism. Use open-ended questions like, “I’ve noticed you seem a bit more tired lately. How have you been feeling?” This shows that you care and are genuinely interested in their well-being. Listen actively to their responses, and be prepared to discuss ways to make their daily life easier, such as offering help with chores or arranging for regular check-ins.
What resources are available for families caring for aging parents?
There are numerous resources available for families caring for aging parents. Local organizations often provide caregiver support services, including home care assessments, meal delivery, and transportation assistance. National organizations like AARP and the National Council on Aging offer valuable information on caregiving, financial assistance, and community resources. Additionally, support groups can connect you with other caregivers who share similar experiences, providing emotional support and practical advice.
How can I ensure my aging parent maintains their independence while receiving help?
To help your aging parent maintain their independence while receiving assistance, focus on collaborative solutions. Involve them in discussions about their needs and preferences, allowing them to express what they feel comfortable with. Encourage them to participate in daily activities as much as possible, while providing support where needed. This balance fosters a sense of autonomy and dignity, ensuring they feel empowered rather than overwhelmed by the changes in their life.
What are some activities I can do with my aging parent to strengthen our bond?
Engaging in activities with your aging parent can significantly strengthen your bond. Consider simple, enjoyable activities like cooking together, playing board games, or going for walks in the park. You can also reminisce by looking through old photo albums or sharing stories from the past. These moments not only create lasting memories but also provide opportunities for meaningful conversations, helping you both feel more connected and supported during this transitional phase.
How can I prepare for emergencies involving my aging parent?
Preparing for emergencies involving your aging parent is crucial for their safety and well-being. Start by creating an emergency plan that includes important contacts, medical information, and a list of medications. Ensure that your parent has easy access to emergency numbers and a way to communicate in case of an emergency. Regularly review and update this plan, and consider discussing it with your parent to ensure they feel comfortable and informed about the steps to take in various situations.
